again, I’m still here…

Someone actually commented on here and encouraged me not to give up.

I don’t ever stop trying…

I was blessed with a stomach virus a few weeks ago, thanks to my 2 year olds in day care. Most people wouldn’t feel this way, but I’ve never had anything like this before and it was a blessing.

It was short lived, only 24 hours, or so, of puking violently.

It was cleansing and got me back on track. 

Since then I have lost 10 pounds. I’m weighing in at 178.

A blessing. I feel much better and am tracking my calories again.

Tracking calories is key. I’m just not allowed to over eat and not gain weight…

Now I want to keep this going and take it further. I’ve been stuck here at 178 a bit. Feeling a little hungry… I have to keep those demons at bay.

I’m going to give myself a big treat when I get to 155 or so.

When I take off, even a few more pounds, I’ll take a picture. so that it is smaller than my last progress photo from ages ago.

I’m still here

Technically…but my head is out of the game. I’m back to old habits.

I haven’t tracked my calories since the summer and as a result have gained back 10 pounds. I’m weighing in at 187-ish.

The past two months have been crazy. My 2 year old twins have started day care and it has been great and mayhem combined. That’s just one thing…there are money issues…strained relationship (probably due to said money issues…) 

I’m managing my life well, but it takes such a toll on me mentally and physically.

I struggle to enjoy the good times (but I do enjoy them) and try not to think negatively about things unnecessarily. I try to keep myself in a positive frame of mind.

How I respond to things, mentally and physically, feel very out of my control.

Even how I respond to food. I wish there was a drug that made me feel the way I do 10 minutes into a bag of sour cream and onion Lays…

I am depressed

Ever since getting back from my vacation almost a month ago now, I’ve been feeling so sluggish, unmotivated, and generally in the dump.

I wish I could determine the trigger so that I could sort it out.

It could be the change of my routine since summer hit.

My husband and oldest daughter are both off from school and home all the time. Their laziness (which I guess they’re entitled to because it’s summer for them) is having a negative effect on me.

We watch more TV and eat more; the days are blurry and less structured. The lack of a, somewhat, structured schedule almost make the days go by quicker.

Huh, I think I just identified my problem while writing this (thank you blogging!).

I’m a control freak.
I don’t like my husband and daughter being so unproductive (the burden of all responsibility falls on me), it makes me angry, jealous, and feel out of control.

When the daughter and husband are at school and work, they look productive. They aren’t in my face while I work a 45 hour week, on top of purchasing groceries, manage the bills and multitude of doctor appointments we have going on.

I probably need to learn to manage my team better. I need some help. There’s no reason my husband shouldn’t be doing more and my daughter couldn’t help with some chores or something.

I need to start delegating … easier said than done, but I have to turn things around somehow.

Otherwise i could gain 10 pounds before summer is over. I’ve already gained 5!

Rut

I don’t know how to get out of this rut.

The demon still has a hold.

I went to my physical the other day and weighed 182 (I’ve gained 4-5lbs on this bender).

The last time I had a physical was a year and a half ago. I was happy to tell my doctor that I just lost 30 pounds. I was waiting for a congratulations, when instead, she said “you weighed 183” last visit.

That means that in a year and a half I gained and lost 30 pounds. That’s a crazy yo yo.

Is this some annual ritual I have?! What is wrong with me…

Holy cow, I just came off a week long bender!

I may have gained a pound or two but it’s hard to tell because its now that time of month. Being pre-menstrual could have been the cause of said bender.

This week hasn’t gone perfect but I have been able to stop eating by 8pm. And I’ve walked a lot this week.

Waking up at 6:50am is brutal, but it also feels great to get it over with in the morning. It is so nice and peaceful really early.

I walk with a friend and we are thinking about doing a couch to 5k challenge.

We may sign up for an official charity event in one months time!

I just might be able to get back on track!

Holy cow, I just came off a week long bender!

I may have gained a pound or two but it’s hard to tell because its now that time of month. Being pre-menstrual could have been the cause of said bender.

This week hasn’t gone perfect but I have been able to stop eating by 8pm. And I’ve walked a lot this week.

Waking up at 6:50am is brutal, but it also feels great to get it over with in the morning. It is so nice and peaceful really early.

I walk with a friend and we are thinking about doing a couch to 5k challenge.

We may sign up for an official charity event in one months time!

I just might be able to get back on track!

I have this demon

I get self destructive when I’m anything but happy.

I haven’t posted much lately because I am on a plateau and am wavering between 176 and 179.

I can do well with my calorie intake for a while, but when a little demon starts to stir inside of me, I avoid my calorie tracking app and start eating ferociously.

I’ve been trying to pay attention to why this demon surfaces.

We returned home from a weeklong vacation this past Saturday night. On Sunday evening I had an insatiable hunger and essentially binged.

Yesterday I felt terrible being back at work and dealing with the tons of things I have to deal with on a daily basis. Monday reminded me how exhausting life can be, while, even still…reaping little reward.

I made it through the day OK, but last night I felt angry. My poor family felt my wrath. Rarely do I drink when I’m not at a social event, but last night I burst open champagne that had been a gift for my recent birthday. We don’t keep alcohol in the house, so this was the only choice.

I was hoping that, aside from the alcohol taking the edge off, the happy, celebratory nature of champagne would be a boost too.

Once I started feeling a little tipsy (which doesn’t take much), I threw will power to the wind and started eating.

I went to bed achy, angry, and sad.

I feel a little better this morning, but I need more sleep. I wish I could sleep for a few days.

I’m the one who set my life up this way, so I only have myself to blame. Many, if not most, days I love my life. But sometimes I feel overwhelmed and tired. Vacation was a nice escape and I wasn’t prepared for how negatively I would respond to returning home.

Lately, I want a change. I want to be freed up a bit so that I can put a little more energy into my career and into myself.

When frustration mounts about feeling even the slightest bit out of control or powerless, that frustration, anger, and sadness fuel that demon in me. Then I eat. Eating calms it.

TV induced binge

Holy cow… I just watched a three hour marathon of Psych on Netflix…

While I love that show, and wish I could live in it, I feel like a TV casualty. I felt compelled to (and actually did) snack on one junk food after another!

Now I feel like crap. If I had shut the TV off and gone to bed, just one hour earlier, I would have consumed 500 to 700 calories less. Even before diving into the chips and salsa, I had ice cream that pushed me over my calorie count for the day.

In fact, I had a different snack for each episode we watched!

Only since my 9 year old has been on summer break (for a week now) have we been staying up and watching more TV. I can’t let this become a habit, it will destroy what I’ve accomplished over the past 5 months.

I think I felt guilty for pissing away 4 hours of my evening.

And now I feel like poop :(

I fell off the wagon and hope I can get back on…

Asker Portrait
healthyhero asked:Love your blog. Keep up the personal posts and weight loss photos as you keep losing more and more weight! There's just not enough personal weight loss Tumblrs IMO. So thank you! (P.S- I'm also a very personal weight loss blog)

Thanks Stacy! Your blog looks great, now I’m a follower too :-)

I always hope to increase the number of my posts, including pics, (personal ones, I mean) because it makes me feel good. There is nothing like good side by side pictures to boost motivation!

In writing, I hope to gain some insight on my own weight loss issues. I always want to figure out how to make it stick…

Cheers to us!

Asker Portrait
soegyptian asked:what are you doing to lose all that weight?! we have a similar body and I'd really like to know how you lost all of that belly fat! :O btw damnnnn girl. contrats on the dedication!! :D

Oh wow, this is my first question here!

Thanks a bunch!

I’m not exactly sure what kicked on my motivation but I just started tracking my calories with the iPhone app MyFitnessPal. And right now that’s all I do.

I figured I couldn’t drastically change everything about myself and stick with it so I started with the eating. MyFitnessPal calculated that in order to lose about pound a week I could only eat 1200 calories a day.

Sticking to that, my eating habits have gotten better over time. And I’m getting used to it. I treat it as though I have a medical condition and its not optional.

I don’t have an exercise regimen but have become more active in general because I’ve lost weight.

It’s not always easy (actually, its never easy), I’ve had a lot of cranky spells and times where I just feel so damn hungry (but I know that is mostly emotional). I weather the storm and plow on…

I wish us all the best! (Now I have to go check out your blog!)

Progress photo 34lbs

I forget what the exact weight of the left hand side is. I think there is at least a 30 pound difference between the two pics.

I’m just happy that my boobs protrude beyond my belly.